Last spring I had a heart that felt like it had been squashed into a bloody pile of junk and a spirit that felt like it had been trampled under the hooves of Spirit, the goddamn Stallion of the Cimarron. I had taken the semester off and was living at home with my parents. I spent my days filling out job applications I would never follow up on, sitting in my basement watching Food Network, and driving around aimlessly because that felt almost active.
I had songs I cycled through on loop as a form of audio-therapy— all kind of sad and wistful, think of the soundtrack to Garden State. This song, “Gray or Blue” by Jaymay, was my favorite of the set. Its iTunes play count is at a million bajillion.
I had phased out my Playlist of Sadness by early summer, around when I moved into an apartment in Boston, and had forgotten about the thing until just moments ago. I didn’t realize the Playlist of Sadness sucked so hard! These songs are so cheesy, they’re what cheddar would sound like if it could sing. I think they made me feel like less of a loser, but, oh man, I was such a loser.
